"i felt called to check in"
a reflection on unfair requests and unreciprocated spiritual fervor
I received a LinkedIn message from a stranger this week:
”Hi Amar. As we approach the holidays, how are you this season? I felt called to check in.”
My initial response was a brief chuckle. I haven’t heard these words since joining a dorm-floor accountability group in bible college. “Checking in” came in the form of a tap on the shoulder in the campus dining room, an unexpected late-night knock on the door, or a quick wave in the hallway. “Hey pal, just felt a call to reach out.”
I don’t doubt the sincerity of my classmates. For each of us, it was the first time creating, nurturing, and sustaining a community. “Calling” (which I believe is real) was the language of learning how to belong and love together.
Thinking again of this LinkedIn message, I felt both frustration and sorrow. Turning the sacred experience of ‘calling’ (which I believe is real) into a LinkedIn marketing scheme exemplifies the broader perversion of faith that manifests when capital and Christianity are put hand in hand.
But this kind of pseudo-calling happens all the time in the church. It is employed to give the facade of authority and compassion—both “I’m asking because I care” and “tell me the truth because God told me to ask.”
“I felt called to tell you to volunteer more at church”
“I felt called to tell you that your dress is too short and is distracting our brothers in Christ”
“I felt the Lord’s calling to confront you about the secret sin you’re hiding”
“I felt called to check in on you—what is wrong?”
“I sense God is calling you to give your money (to me)!”
“I felt called to give you this prophetic word…”
This is not a fair request. When someone qualifies their actions with a sense of “calling,” they also place a demand on the person they’re engaging. It is one thing to genuinely ask how someone is doing, it is an entirely different expectation to say, “God told me (‘I felt called’) to ask you how you are doing.” This kind of question anticipates a different response and manipulates the subject to share more than they are perhaps willing to.
Calling (which I believe is real) is far too sacred and powerful to casually attach to our personal whims, gripes, and curiosities. To experience a calling is perhaps the closest many of us come to hearing directly from God. “Calling” is the word we use to speak of that voice from somewhere else—neither here nor there. “Calling” is the word we use to name the movement of the Spirit in the world that beckons us to join in God’s redemptive work. “Calling” is a life haunted by the presence of a God who passes by in the corner of your eye, catching your attention just enough that you change course for a closer look.
This holiday season, you may very well feel a call to “check in” with a neighbor, a family member, or a fellow congregant. However the Spirit leads, instead of announcing your calling, consider simply asking how your neighbor is doing and trust that the Spirit is already at work in the heart of the other person to share with honesty and transparency. I promise the impact of our call is not dependent on the scale of our announcement.
On the other hand, this holiday season, you may very well walk into church for the first time this year and be approached by someone claiming to have a “calling” or prophetic word for you. Remember that nothing is owed to these questions and no punishment awaits you if you don’t reciprocate or match their spiritual fervor.
To each of these people and those in between, my encouragement is to lean into the Spirit and follow God into the places wonderfully haunted by sacred dwelling. This is where calling begins—in loving, trusting, Spirit-filled community where little is owed but much is given.
Reading:
Casey Cep, “How the Poet Christian Wiman Keeps His Faith” (The New Yorker)
Jill Hicks-Keeton, Good Book (Fortress Press, 2023).
Anne Snyder, “Church, Where Are You?” (Comment)
Watching:
Seinfeld (Netflix)